Pikachu's big plan
by Dogs Bower
Summary: Evil Pikachu gets an idea to make some quick cash.
1. Pikachu's Big Plan

**Pikachu's big plan**

"I'm a Pikachu!"

"I'm a Squirtle!"

"I'm a Charizard!"

"I'm Ash Ketchup!"

Pikachu turns around and kicks Ash in the knee for fucking up his line.

"BITCH, I SAID GET IT RIGHT OR PAY THE PRICE."

Ash starts to cry.

"I'm sorry Pikachu. I'm just trying to be coolios."

Pikachu is not amused. He gives the boy a hard bitch slap across the face.

"I don't give a damn. I have got to get this show running or we're all not gonna have any din-din tonight."

This time Squirtle starts to cry.

"But I'm hungry, daddy."

Pikachu turns around and bitch slaps Squirtle the lovable little turtle.

"DAMMIT, I TOLD YOU DON'T CALL ME DADDY YOU PIG. I AIN'T YO DADDY."

Then Sonic walks in with Tails and a plate of chili dogs.

"S'UP DAWGZ. Wuz going on here?" Sonic asks. "Are we late for the party?"

Pikachu's eyes bug out of his head and he starts foaming at the mouth and grows giant red veins all over his head.

"WHAAAAAAAT THAAAAAAAAA FUCCCCCCCCCCCK!"

He thundershocks the entire room killing everybody.

No dinner tonight again, Pikachu thinks as he looks sad.

"Shit. Now I gotta find some new hoes."

**THE END?**

Oops, I lied! Not the ending.


	2. Gon Get Dat Cash

We join Pikachu who was the evil Pikachu Tails freed from the mysterious evil Pokeball that Tails didn't know about because he died in the fic that I wrote before.

He is sitting and looking pissed because all the trouble it is to find some new hoes to make money off of is getting him. He fuzzes up his yellow fur all over and looks really really mad.

"I HATE THE WAITING! I WANT HOES NOW!" he screams. "AH NEEDZ MONEY."

Behind him Ash is wearing a cat slut girl outfit like in hentais and has a collar around his neck. He's still crying because he's all emo like that.

"Oh Pikachu. I try to do a job but I can't handle serving tea cakes and biscuits to fat sweaty bald men who wanna grab my ass for the rest of my life! I want to get more badges."

"SHUT UP BITCH, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK BACK!" Pikachu screeches and kicks Ash in his mouthy parts and busts up his teeth.

Ash tries to pick up his bloody teeth chunks on the floor while crying and snot runs out his nose.

"I'M SOWWY!" he bawws.

Squitle Charmanglion and Torchic who everybody hates but they keep him around in case somebody offers them money for oral and nobody wants to take it up, all are shaking in the corner.

"We love you Pikachu. Please don't hurt us," Chumpamder yelps with the fear.

Pikachu turns around and gives him the DEATH EYE.

"I told you not to talk back."

And then he pulled out his glock.


	3. Gangstas and Wangstas

_Last time on Pikachu_

Pikachu was locked and loaded and ready to give Ash a serious philosophical butt pumping.

"God no please don't kill Ash he is my only friend in this place!" screamed Charmadler as he fell to his knees and prayed to the almighty Poke-God Arses.

Even though he was a strict atheist. He knew he could quickly repent for his sins in time of need.

"Now is the time to give your all!"

Knuckles suddenly burst thought the door like the ghetto fucking player he is but the door was actually open so it seemed far less dramatic in everyone else's opinion. But who gave a shit. He was about to die anyway. He knew his limits and yet he still pressed on.

"FUCK IT."

Knuckels spat to the floor like nails on a chalk board. He raised his uzi up and let out a bullet line of hot sexy lead cold enough to tear through every part of Pikachu's fat ass even before the guy knew what was happening to him.

"Oh god. I'll never get to see Amsterdam now!" Pikachu cried out as he fell to the ground in a flood of blood pouring from every hole that had been shot into his internal organs which were now splattering the floor nicely with their sticky organ meats and juices.

"Wow. I did not expect him to go down so easily," Ichigo said to himself silently.

Rukia just stood there like a bitch. Ichigo slapped her across the face. He was tired of it all.

"Goddamn Ich. You so pimp. Why you gotta hurt me like that?" Rukia squealed like a good little tsundere.

"How the hell did we get here exactly?" Ichigo wondered inside his slowly evaporating mind.

He collapsed to the ground fastly and laid. Rukia followed suit making sure to position herself over Ich's crotch just to get some pity laughs from the weeb audience. Charmindler would not have such a thing ruin his good name. The Pokeman stood and let out a scream into the face of his son and his son's love interest.

"Son, I am disappoint."

Ash didn't know what was going on anymore than you or I did. And that's when the truck came through the wall. Everyone looked. They knew it had to be the only one it could have been.

Optimus fucking Prime.

"This shit's getting big," Pikachu said gruffly as he got back to his feet wounds healed up nicely because he's so cash.

This was gonna be a goddamn long day.


	4. Back to the Drawing Board

"GOLDUCK, I CHOOSE YOU!" screamed Brockly the molester as he chucked his balls toward the enemy before him.

The pokeball smashed into Misty's face and shattered several bone plates.

"YOU BASTARD! NOW I'M NEVER GOING TO BE MISS POKEQUEEN DECEMBER!" screeched the ginger girl as she clutched her leaking nostrils.

"Togepi!" said Togepi moments before it was stepped upon by a fat kid struggling to obtain more pie.

"You know we really shouldn't have picked the mall food court to start a battle," muttered Ash as he playfully continued to embed his searching finger ever farther into his brain as he rummaged through his own nostril for slippery green and bulbous treasure.

"GODDAMIT. OKAY MAROWACK, I CHOOSE YOU!" screamed Brock-NOT-Sampson as he tried the move for a second time.

"You can't call out two Pokemon at a time, asswad! We're still pretending like this is 1999. Before all the shit happened and there was seven hundred new bullshit pokemonsters for the little fat suburban kids to collect!" yelled Misty with tears in her bright amber hazel chestnut eyes.

"NO I WANT A JIRACHI!" shouted Ash. Just then he spasmed due to striking a particularly ripe spot in his frontal lobe which caused him to have a mild epileptic fit.

"You really don't care anything about is anymore, do you!" screamed Charmanhandles while breaking down and sobbing.

"Bulbasaur," said Bulbasaur.

"What the hell? Where did you come from you scrub! GET OUT!" screamed Ash and kicked the offending animu piss-monster-dinosaur-plant beast where it belonged. In the trash.

Then Ben walked by to make an obligatory cameo.

Nobody seemed to notice.

"Nobody ever does," muttered Ben. But he could not be bothered. There were zombies there. Somewhere.

"Hey do I get a say in this?" asked evil Pikachu who was back in the story.

"NO!" Ash and Brock and Misty and everyone else within earshot screamed.

The force of the fetid breath was so strong it caused evil Pikachu to blast right through the time space continuum and into the dimension of Super Smash Brahs. And he was promptly beaten to death by SOLID FUCKIN' SNAKE, Samus, Link, Diddy, Ness, Bowzer, Fox, and WEEGEE because he somehow gathered up enough funds to be featured in this story. Kirby lost out by twenty five bucks.

"PIKACHOOOOOOOOOTE" screamed evil Pikachu as he was back slapped in the facial area by a PK-FIYAAAAAAH from Nessles and Mr. Saturn.

"Boing!" yelled Mr. Saturn as he dug his prominent nose hairs into evil Pikachu's eye socket. And lo, evil Pikachu was thoroughly owned.

But the battle was not really won that day. No it was actually far from over.

"BAKUGAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" came the resounding battle cry.

And everyone was in awe as the team stepped onto the stage for the fight of their young and meaningless lives.

"This shit just got real," groaned Ash as he prepared himself for a long hard day of ass kicking and stepping on triangular orbs.

**The End**


End file.
